A Grateful Heart : )

NOTHING makes you more grateful than being away from home.  I learned a lot about God, people, life, myself etc in China, but one theme that popped up over and over is that I am incredibly blessed and have so many people to be grateful for.  I am blessed by the grace of an incredible God, the love of an amazing family, friends and fiance, political freedom, financial security, a good education, a healthy body, and the list could go on and on.  During my first week back to church, Pastor Scott preached on being grateful.  His sermon, along with my experiences this year reminded me of how blessed I've been by my community before, during and after my trip to China.  I think we sometimes forget about all of the resources that go into preparing us to step out and do something like going overseas.  

One of God's most amazing gifts is one another.  While we should always learn to rely and lean on God, He knows that sometimes we need the audible voice of a trusted friend, a physical shoulder to cry on and people to rejoice with.  Life's complex, its not fair, its exhausting, its sad while also being beautiful, exciting and amazing.... God gives us each other to navigate the ups and downs of this world.  

Making lists of people that you are grateful for is always dangerous because you don't want to leave anyone out so I'll say now that this is not an exhaustive list... its more categorical.  I've been so blessed by Pastor Bryan, the Becks, Shananon Libengood, Hannah Zappa and Dana Hunter who have encouraged me and prayed for and with me before, during and after my trip.  I came to the East End two and a half years ago feeling lost and not sure about what I believed.  Pastor Bryan has put a lot of time into answering my theological questions and encouraging me in my faith, he's definately given me an understanding of Northway's mission statement to "Freeing People to Follow Jesus."  I'm also grateful for my small group, I loved learning about God with you weekly!  My financial supporters... I was blown out of this world by your support... I was sure that I would be begging people for money up until I  got on the plane but that wasn't the case.  I was blessed by my home church, Pittsburgh Chinese Church, Whitehall Presbyterian, Faith Chapel and friends and family.  Thank you all for your financial sacrifice, I'm humbled and challenged by your generocity.  I was also blessed by the love of the local and foreign staff while I was in China (I won't name names for security reasons).  Soooo many people opened their homes to me and went out of their way to make me feel loved.  Northway has three families of global partners over there and I stayed with all three of them at some point.  They gave me a home away from home and I'm so grateful for that.  Serving in orphanages definately makes you grateful for your family. At one point I was holding an infant and the realization that that little two month old baby is in this world on their own broke my heart.  Along with being supportive of my every venture, my family has always been the joy of my life,  I love simply being with them.  One of the families that I was staying with commented on that after overhearing a facetime conversation with my older sister.  He commented that I always sound like I'm having such a good time when I call home and its true, they kept me sane and encouraged : )   DEFINITELY not least... BILL.  I can't overstate how important his support has been. Not having his encouragement would have killed me.  It's hard to be engaged and on two different continents.... not only did he do more than his share of the wedding planning, but he continues to patiently handle my readjustment back home.  I can't believe God's given me someone that's so good to me.  I'm so blessed!  

All of this to say.... THANK YOU ALL!  

Many of you know Sarah Briggs who has also recently returned from overseas, her and I would love to invite you to hear more about what God is doing globally.  I'm excited to hear from Sarah, she did outreach in 11 countries this year and I know she has a lot to share!  See the picture below for details:

P.S.  PCC, Whitehall and Faith Chapel:  you are more than welcome to attend this event, I am also in the process of speaking with your churches about a good time to come out your way as well : ) 

 

Readjusting

Im down in D.C. for a couple of days and went to the national mall to walk around for a couple of hours... what do you know... there is a China festival!  China follows me!  I ordered my dumplings from the food tent and I really wanted to order in Chinese just to freak the ABC (American Born Chinese) girl out... but that would be against my goal to reacclimate to American culture and act normal : ).  I looked in the gift shop out of curiousity and the souvineers were ten times the price of China.  Maybe I should have brought some back and hawked them outside... if I only knew : )

My first week back has gone well.  It's just weird... it's weird to be in two distinctly different envionrments in such a short amount of time.  I think that the biggest challenge is figuring out what to do with all that I saw and experienced.  How do I remember it, learn from it and not drown in the guilty of having left it?  One of the biggest temptations is just to forget, to move on from here and pretend that nothing happened.  It's easy to get wrapped up in planning a wedding and move straight into married life, followed by the childbearing years, followed by a cushy retirement.  Why did I go to China?  Why did I open my eyes to see sights that make my stomach hurt and expose my heart to realities that break it?  In truth, I've come home and put a smile on my face and feel ok most of the time, but there are days when I feel broken and powerless on the inside. 

While I was in China, I thought about my seemingly chaotic life.  If you look at my resume, you would be a little scared.  I've had a lot of jobs and I have two more degrees than are necessary.  I really didn't know what to do with myself for a while.  I bebopped around in various jobs (all of which I loved) trying to find a fit.  Finally, I settled on Speech Pathology (and LOVE IT).  When I thought about those years between high school and getting my first job in speech, I thought that my other experiences were all just random acts of a lost soul.  In China, I had the opporunity to use many of the skills that I had gained in those years.... I did job coaching, special education and gave low level advise about mental health issues.  During that time, I began to see life differently.  When it's all said and done, I believe that our experiences here on earth will be like one of those photomosaics, with every experience being its own but adding to the larger picture.  I think before I saw it more like a patch work quilt, each experience being there but not intertwined.  I don't think that's true because through our experiences, God grows us up.  He teaches us more about ourselves and about each other with each challenge that we face and then builds upon that to make us able to take what's next.  In thinking of it that way, my goal is to look forward to the next phase of life and be excited for how God will use the new skills, insights and passions that China has blessed me with as opposed to grieving for an experience that has ended.  Please keep me in your prayers as I figure out what is next : ) 

When I was thinking about this, I was reminded of the words of the Casting Crowns song "Already There"....

"From where you're standing Lord you see a grand design that you imagined when you breathed me into life and all the chaos comes together in your hands like a masterpiece of your picture perfect plan."

Chorus: One day I'll stand before you and look back on the life I've lived.  I can't wait to enjoy the view and see how all the pieces fit."