It's always strange
when you share something that you learned in the past with someone only to find
that you need to hold onto that same truth yourself. For me this happened
this week. I was doing a training on speech pathology and I felt that I
needed to be sure to address the Biblical aspect of working with special needs kids (my version) before
diving into the specific treatment techniques.
-Our belief about people: First, in all that we do we must remember what we believe about our kids. We believe that as humans we are made in the image of God and that when he made us he declared that his creation was good. As we work with people (and nature) we must remember that disrespect of the creation is disrespect of the creator. When we look at kids with disgust or treat them with contempt, we are insulting what G0d created and declare good. Dumb example, but I think of the movie "The Little Women." I hate the scene where Amy throws Jo's manuscript into the fire. You can feel the anguish in the pit of your stomach... Jo had put her creative juices into that manuscript and Amy disrespected her creativity and her heart but tossing it into a fire. People were created by G)d, who are we to question their beauty, dignity or value?
-Be teachable: The second point was to let the kids that we work with teach us. Working in special education will change you. It will soften your heart, it will reorient your priorities and it will make you appreciate the simple gifts in life. Enjoy it! We have a child at the center that loves to sing and dance, its generally at inappropriate times, but there is a time for you to enjoy her joy.
-Give up your need for control or lose your sanity! This is the biggest for me! Basically I feel like we need to do what we do as an act of obedience to G0d and not obsess about measurable results. This is hard because we work hard with these kids and we want to see them succeed. We also want their success to show the people around them their abilities. However, we don't have total control over the outcomes... we have control over the amount of effort that we put into our work, and shame on us if we don't give these kids our all, but we don't have total control over the outcome. When we take on the total burden of "fixing" our kids we not only fail to respect them in whatever place they are in, but we also open the door for burnout, frustration, guilt and resentment. We are burnt out and frustrated because we need results to keep us motivated and we're not getting them. We feel guilty because we know that we're not as skilled as we could be and we become resentful of others (parents, caregivers, the kids) because we need someone else to blame for the "failure." This can be avoided (or at least mitigated) when we see our job as something that we do out of obedience to G0d and we have to trust that He has the outcomes in His hands. I'm a results person and my profession has made me even worse. We are obsessed with data and research and being efficient and effective have become our God. People that are in higher education for seven long years have to be intense on some level, I needed to get certain grades to stay in my masters program and I think it made me a little overly goal oriented. But people aren't multiple choice tests, they have certain limitations and they have free will. This is tough because it means that there are factors outside of our control. I feel like I first started to understand this concept when I started mentoring with LAMP. Sometimes when I was mentoring I wondered if I was only painting pumpkins with a ten year old and I wanted to know what good that would do in the long run (just to clarify... I LOVED painting pumpkins with this ten year old!). I think I almost needed to see the outcome to feel like the effort was worth it, but that's not the right mentality. When we feel that G0d has called us into whatever we are doing then our responsibility is to Him. I wasn't only painting pumpkins... I was doing what I felt G0d called me to do at that time. I don't know what the long-term outcome will be, and maybe I don't always get to see how G0d works in every situation, but that doesn't mean that I'm not responsible to do what He has put on my heart. For me, this idea has freed me... It's hard to carry the burden of "fixing" everyone. There are times when kids don't make much progress and we continue to work with them, but in the mean time we don't have the weight of feeling like we've failed them.
-Influencing change the Biblical way: The other point is that we must be careful to love kids the way that they are and not withhold our love from them until they make the results that we want. In this we have a perfect example from J3sus. The Bible says that while we were still sinners Chrst died for us. He takes us in when we are still messy and loves us as He changes our hearts. He doesn't withhold His love from us until we're perfect because change is hard and we need His help. The kids that we work with are like that... they need our love and affection now and it needs to be unconditional. We want good things for them, but we don't love them less if they don't make it to where we want them to be.
I said all of this and then had a meltdown a couple of days later because I feel like I'm not doing enough for the vastness of the issues here. I don't feel qualified to deal with the complications that some of these kids have and I'm not always getting the outcomes that I dream of. There are so many kids who need services and there are so few people to give them those services. For some of them I feel like giving them special ed/speech services is such a small drop in the bucket that I feel frantic. Many of them need is sooo much more than I can give them. I LOVE what I do here.. it's the most fulfilling thing that I've ever done, but at times I feel like its not enough so I may as well pack up and go home. The ups and downs are maddening : ) I'm still working out how to ride this roller-coaster, but the only thing that I know for sure in it all is that G0d calls us to "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy" Proverbs 31:8-9.
This is just me talking so Biblical scholars ( hi dad: ) ) may tear this apart...luckily for me, drones of Biblical scholars are not reading my meager blog : ). I feel like in the Bible when G0d invites people to be used by Him, He tells them what to do, but doesn't hold them to outcomes that are out of their control. When G0d called Moses, He told him what to say to Pharaoh but He didn't hold Moses accountable for changing Pharaoh's heart, that was G0d's role. When he sent the disciples out He commanded them to preach the Good news but the results weren't their burden to bear... they were G0d's. This is all good news for me because I'm tired and I can't take on all that there is to take on here... but luckily G0d's here and this is His work : )
-Our belief about people: First, in all that we do we must remember what we believe about our kids. We believe that as humans we are made in the image of God and that when he made us he declared that his creation was good. As we work with people (and nature) we must remember that disrespect of the creation is disrespect of the creator. When we look at kids with disgust or treat them with contempt, we are insulting what G0d created and declare good. Dumb example, but I think of the movie "The Little Women." I hate the scene where Amy throws Jo's manuscript into the fire. You can feel the anguish in the pit of your stomach... Jo had put her creative juices into that manuscript and Amy disrespected her creativity and her heart but tossing it into a fire. People were created by G)d, who are we to question their beauty, dignity or value?
-Be teachable: The second point was to let the kids that we work with teach us. Working in special education will change you. It will soften your heart, it will reorient your priorities and it will make you appreciate the simple gifts in life. Enjoy it! We have a child at the center that loves to sing and dance, its generally at inappropriate times, but there is a time for you to enjoy her joy.
-Give up your need for control or lose your sanity! This is the biggest for me! Basically I feel like we need to do what we do as an act of obedience to G0d and not obsess about measurable results. This is hard because we work hard with these kids and we want to see them succeed. We also want their success to show the people around them their abilities. However, we don't have total control over the outcomes... we have control over the amount of effort that we put into our work, and shame on us if we don't give these kids our all, but we don't have total control over the outcome. When we take on the total burden of "fixing" our kids we not only fail to respect them in whatever place they are in, but we also open the door for burnout, frustration, guilt and resentment. We are burnt out and frustrated because we need results to keep us motivated and we're not getting them. We feel guilty because we know that we're not as skilled as we could be and we become resentful of others (parents, caregivers, the kids) because we need someone else to blame for the "failure." This can be avoided (or at least mitigated) when we see our job as something that we do out of obedience to G0d and we have to trust that He has the outcomes in His hands. I'm a results person and my profession has made me even worse. We are obsessed with data and research and being efficient and effective have become our God. People that are in higher education for seven long years have to be intense on some level, I needed to get certain grades to stay in my masters program and I think it made me a little overly goal oriented. But people aren't multiple choice tests, they have certain limitations and they have free will. This is tough because it means that there are factors outside of our control. I feel like I first started to understand this concept when I started mentoring with LAMP. Sometimes when I was mentoring I wondered if I was only painting pumpkins with a ten year old and I wanted to know what good that would do in the long run (just to clarify... I LOVED painting pumpkins with this ten year old!). I think I almost needed to see the outcome to feel like the effort was worth it, but that's not the right mentality. When we feel that G0d has called us into whatever we are doing then our responsibility is to Him. I wasn't only painting pumpkins... I was doing what I felt G0d called me to do at that time. I don't know what the long-term outcome will be, and maybe I don't always get to see how G0d works in every situation, but that doesn't mean that I'm not responsible to do what He has put on my heart. For me, this idea has freed me... It's hard to carry the burden of "fixing" everyone. There are times when kids don't make much progress and we continue to work with them, but in the mean time we don't have the weight of feeling like we've failed them.
-Influencing change the Biblical way: The other point is that we must be careful to love kids the way that they are and not withhold our love from them until they make the results that we want. In this we have a perfect example from J3sus. The Bible says that while we were still sinners Chrst died for us. He takes us in when we are still messy and loves us as He changes our hearts. He doesn't withhold His love from us until we're perfect because change is hard and we need His help. The kids that we work with are like that... they need our love and affection now and it needs to be unconditional. We want good things for them, but we don't love them less if they don't make it to where we want them to be.
I said all of this and then had a meltdown a couple of days later because I feel like I'm not doing enough for the vastness of the issues here. I don't feel qualified to deal with the complications that some of these kids have and I'm not always getting the outcomes that I dream of. There are so many kids who need services and there are so few people to give them those services. For some of them I feel like giving them special ed/speech services is such a small drop in the bucket that I feel frantic. Many of them need is sooo much more than I can give them. I LOVE what I do here.. it's the most fulfilling thing that I've ever done, but at times I feel like its not enough so I may as well pack up and go home. The ups and downs are maddening : ) I'm still working out how to ride this roller-coaster, but the only thing that I know for sure in it all is that G0d calls us to "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy" Proverbs 31:8-9.
This is just me talking so Biblical scholars ( hi dad: ) ) may tear this apart...luckily for me, drones of Biblical scholars are not reading my meager blog : ). I feel like in the Bible when G0d invites people to be used by Him, He tells them what to do, but doesn't hold them to outcomes that are out of their control. When G0d called Moses, He told him what to say to Pharaoh but He didn't hold Moses accountable for changing Pharaoh's heart, that was G0d's role. When he sent the disciples out He commanded them to preach the Good news but the results weren't their burden to bear... they were G0d's. This is all good news for me because I'm tired and I can't take on all that there is to take on here... but luckily G0d's here and this is His work : )
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