Ode to Mothers : )

Happy Mothers Day!!!

I have three mothers or categories of mothers that I would like to say something about...

1.  Mommy Dearest!  I LOVE my mom!  I couldn't have asked for a more compassionate, strong and loving mom.  A mom who raised four kids overseas... homeschooled and all!  When I look back on my childhood, what I see are parents who somehow had a call on their life but never cheated their own kids out of their love... that's hard to do.  No matter where we roamed, they always made us feel at home even when that meant dragging crates and boxes all over the world (thanks dad!).  Throughout adolescents and into adulthood, my mom has always been there for me, regardless of how much was going on in her own life (and with working full-time and being a pstr wife, that was a lot!).  I remember when I was in college at Penn State, my mom drove up to take me grocery shopping and spend the day with me... she had an appointment for work about an hour and a half away but claimed that it wasn't that far out of her way... who does that?  MY MOM!  I love you mom... Happy Mother's Day!

2.  The mom's of Chn.  I have seen some hard things here, but it would be an injustice to not report on the amazing stories and most of the heart warming stories involve an amazing mom.  At the various rehab centers that I've worked in, I have met so many mom's that have done the ultimate act of love... they have kept their children despite their severe disabilties.  This may not seem that impressive to us because we are raised in a society that thinks differently... but trust me, their choice is the most loving, brave and sacrificial decision I have ever seen.  These mom's have endured the ridicule of their families and their community... some have even lost their husbands over the decision.  Their choice to keep their child is sacrificial because they are giving up access to a normal life, they are giving up on the dream of having a "normal" child and in a lot of situations, they are making a decision that will isolate them from their community.  May G0d honor and bless these moms for their love.

3.  Foster moms.  I am humbled to spend Mother's Day with a women who (with her husband) has fostered 78 babies... SEVENTY-EIGHT!!!  I made the comment today that I felt like we were playing "whack a mole."  They currently have a two month old, four month old, six month old, seven month old, two year old and six year old.  A couple of them have a virus so they are a little cranky... I would be holding one and then hear another one cry so I would put the one down to get the second one and the first one would start up again : )   It's not easy having so many little ones!  It's sort of a long story, but it was basically my trip back to Guiyang 3 years ago that made me truely believe in G0d again.  When you see love that is so selfless, you see G0d.  

When I think about the people that foster children, I am humbled by their love... they make the decision to love kids as if they are their own and then they say good-bye to them... I can't even imagine how hard that must be.   May G0d give them strength when they grow weary.  

Happy Mother's Day everyone!  

Scatting Across Asia

Oh the things that we remember from childhood... In 6th or 7th grade we went to a nature reserve as a field trip.  For the life of me, I can't remember where it was or what we did... all that I remember was the chant that we learned about the scientific name for poop... This chant was memorable because it referred to a swear word which shocked my sweet, sheltered heart!  The chant went like this "It starts with an "s" and ends with a "t," but lets not call it that, lets be scientific and call it "scat."  

No travel blog in Asia would be complete with AT LEAST one conversation about the bathroom situation.   It's too entertaining not to share : )  I feel as though I have experienced, or at least heard of, every possible bathroom situation imaginable.  The general rules are this... unless it's starbucks, it will be a "squatty potty," there will be no toilet paper so bring your own and perhaps there will be a sink but no soap.  The variation in "squatty potties" is shocking.  The ones in a nicer home or in downtown will flush, making them fairly clean... One other important fact, you can NEVER flush toilet paper.  It will clog the toilet and so it has to be thrown in a trashcan (think about this... its kind of gross what is going on in that garabage can... sorry but I have to say this... especially in the womens bathroom... There seems to be a national movement against despising of famine hygiene products in a sanitary way).

 

With Chns billions upon billions of people, the cleanliness of the bathroom is directly related to two questions...1.  Does the toilet flush? and 2. Has anyone taken out the garbage in the past week?  So the best toilet situation is Starbucks because they have a western toilet, it flushes and they take out the garabage.  Initially I was naive enough to think that cleanliness was the only factor in determining the acceptability of a bathroom.... I quickly learned that privacy is actually more important to me.  I have something against peeing in public which has served me well in the states but has lead to anxiety or the urge to "hold it" on really long bus trips in Asia.  Sooo, classifying bathrooms gets tricky, its almost a matter of personal choice about what's most important... Cleanliness, privacy or conscientiously about the environment (I'll explain this more later).  

So here are some sample bathroom situations:  One popular option is a long ditch that reaches all the way across the bathroom with stalls along the ditch.  Some of these have water running through them to wash away the waste and other ones don't.  If it's one with water, don't go in the last stall because that's where all of the scat (heehee) settles.  Then there is the terrifying situation where no one feels the need to put up stall walls or stall walls on all sides.  So you are basically doing your business with an audience... I especially hate this situation and will do almost anything to avoid it... unfortunately these are common in the bathrooms at rest stops along bus routes.  When you are on a 15 hour bus ride, your privacy loses the battle.  Then there is the moving transportation (train and boat) issue.  This is where your environmental issues arise... there is just a hole and everything dumps right onto the track or, as was the case on a boat in Cambodia, into the water (Cambodia has a serious issue with diseases transmitted through dirty water... I now know why).  Here is another classification system that gets tricky... there was the toilet that I used at a Tbtn home in the countryside.... it was a hole on the mountainside... no walls or anything... you can gaze at the mountains as you do your business.  It's actually cleaner because the sun dries everything up so fast but how terrifying if someone drives by!  When I used this bathroom, I realized that I could clearly see our teams car.  Before I went, I told one of the other girls to make sure that none of the men go to the car to get anything.  I can eat rice, speak a couple of Chns words, but using the bathroom in public will NEVER be something I'll get used to!  Then there is the village toilet that I have heard talk of and seen pictures of but never experienced on my own.... there is a pig that is below the hole and eats the waste... I think I just threw up in my mouth!  It's envronmentally friendly and in line with the circle of life, but WHAT!  

I have a defeat and success story to share... when I was on the bus I had to use one of the ones that has three sides but no door. I really had to go so I convinced myself that I would go quickly and that it's not like anyone is interested in watching me pee.  I forgot one truth... people in the countryside are always interested in everything that a blonde girl is doing.  So as Im doing my thing a grandma and another women stop right in front of me and point at me and say something... here is where the success story comes... they said a whole sentence in Chns and I understood it!  Here is the defeat, the sentence was "your bag is falling into the toilet."  It was just the strap of my backpack so I could wash it, but how awkward to have a conversation with someone while using the toilet in public!  Chn never ceases to shock me which is half the fun I guess...

So my search contiues for the worst toilet situation in Asia... what is more important... cleanliness,  privacy, envronmental impact?  Soul searching questions that never cross my mind at home that's for sure!!!  Oh Chn, how I love thee!

GY

Im balancing my wireless keyboard on my lap as I look out of the window at the countryside of Chn on my way to visit Guiyang.  I've lived in a lot of places in my life so if I were asked to give one answer for what I think of as my childhood home, i'm not sure what I would say but Guiyang is one of the top runners.  For me, home was always where my family was and the continent didn't much matter.  People have asked me if I consider myself a third culture kid and for the most part I don't.... for one thing, they have a bad reputation for being screwed up and maladjusted so if I can avoid that category, I will : ).  For another, we moved back to the States when I was ten, so I don't know that I've earned the title.  All of this being said.... when I'm in Chn, I feel like I'm home.  

The landscape today reminds me of my childhood.  One of my favorite memories was taking the train into Guiyang and making up stories with my dad.  We were going to make a children's book series called "Buff the Country Buffalo."  The basic storyline was that one of the water buffalo that we saw out of the window plowing the rice patties, was going to move to the big city.  We never wrote the stories down, we just made them up together as we rode along.  We did write the titles down and the ones that I remember were "Buff Takes Ballet" and "Buff Takes a Bath."  Chn blessed me with an incredible childhood.  We basically didn't have a T.V. and we spent our time running around outside.  As a family we had those classic childhood memories that you see in T.V. shows like The Wonder Years (love that show!). I built forts with my older siblings, played kickball (with only the 3 of us so we had a ghost runner on every base!), toted my babydolls around our little complex, made lego cities, played computer games on one of those really old crappy computers, listened to my mom read us endless chapter books and adored family game nights.  We also had those memories that were all Chn... we swam in a river that we later found out gave us worms, had our hair washed with vinagar to kill lice that inevitably got to us, ate the grosses ice cream ever and thought it was good, were pointed at and gawked at by people who had never seen white people before, heard the squeal of pigs being killed in a slaughter house right behind our house, saw a truckload of criminals being sent off to execution, spent endless hours trying to clean out an algea filed pond that had never been cleaned, brought a pet eel home from the market (we let him loose in the pond and never saw him again), plucked a chicken that was given to us live, helped my dad wash our clothes in a bathtub with a plunger (it was a clean one), the list goes on and on!  

As probably most of us do, I want to stop there.... with the sweet innocent memories.  But there was another side of the Chn that I grew up in.  Chn is the first place that I saw gut wrenching sorrow.  It was the place where I held a baby that later died and where I saw other sad sites that eventually led me back here.  Chn (Hong Kong) is the first place that I experienced true fear.  Early one morning I woke up to my dad tied up in our bedroom, he was asking my older brother to untie him... Our house was broken into by five men the night before.  These men accidently woke up my little sister which woke up my parents.  No one was hurt and us kids slept through the robbery, but the realization that evil is real and that despite our pr@yers we aren't always protected in the way that we wish we were, became real and terrifying.  Looking back, this was the first time that I realized that my earthly father wasn't invincible and that my Heavenly Father isn't like Batman... He doesn't swoop in to karate kick the bad guys.  There is good and bad in this world and no matter how good we are, sometimes the bad wins (in this life).  That event was followed by many sleepless, scary nights for my family.    

Chn will always hold a place in my heart for better or worse because it's where I crossed over from childhood innocence into adult reality.  It's where I saw the world for what it is, wonderfully, beautifully made but incredibly broken.   All of this leads to one conclusion, although I have had many homes... Chn is where I grew up...or should I say, Chn grew me up.

The Joy of Work!

This is probably going to be a convoluted mess of a post because this is something that I'm still figuring out in my head.   But this is where I am right now…

Working with special needs kids here is tough... not because of the kids but because of the societal view of these kids and adults.  One could argue accurately that things are better than they were 20 years ago... it seems that more children with special needs are being kept than before (although this kind of data is almost impossible to obtain with any accuracy).  This does not mean that the issues regarding special education are over.  There is a lot more to life than breathing in and out.  Now the fight isn't as much for life (although it does continue to be that) but for qualify of life.  As humans, what do we desire in life?  Is love what we seek?  Acceptance?  Purpose?  All of the above?  Are these pursuits G0d ordained or our human nature?  

When I first thought about what the Bbl says about work, I thought of the curse on Adam... G0d basically sent him out of the garden and cursed him with working the land.  So maybe work is terrible?  Some days it feels like it's cursed... But then I thought of my own experience, while I have days that I don't want to be at work, ultimately I like it.  I went through a brief period of time of being partially employed and almost lost my sanity.  I NEED to work and I LIKE to work and trust me, it's not about the paycheck.  Then I started thinking about the fact that it's moral to work... like the Aesop's fable of the grasshopper... you don't work... you don't eat!  But that doesn't totally fit either because it makes work only a responsibility and not a joy.  While I was thinking about this, I started reading this book by Timothy Keller (someday I'll run out of Keller books and then I don't what I'll read!) called "Every Good Endeavor."  In this book he talks about when G0d created the universe... I'll directly quote him so that I don't mess it up : )   "Why didn’t G0d just name the animals Himself?  After all, in Genesis 1, G0d names things, “calling” the light “day” and the darkness “night”—so He was clearly capable of naming the animals as well.  Yet He invites us to continue His work of developing creation, to develop all the capacities of human and physical nature to build a civilization that glorifies Him.  Through our work we bring order out of chaos, create new entities, exploit the patterns of creation, and interweave the human community.  So whether splicing a gene or doing brain surgery or collecting the rubbish or painting a picture, our work further develops, maintains, or repairs the fabric of the world.  In this way, we connect our work to G0d’s work.”  

WOW!  G0d wants US to be involved in His creation... His beautiful, miraculous creation!  It reminds me of making crafts with kids... You could make something almost flawless on your own but you want that kids to be apart of the artwork.  When they dye the Easter eggs, they mix all of the colors and make an ugly brown egg, when they color they go out of the lines, when they paint the whole room is a mess... BUT you invite them to create with you because you long for them to be part of the process of creation.  Sometimes you end up with something messy, but there is something sweet about their efforts.  Now as humans, we have a lot of brown Easter eggs... unfortunately we are really screwing up His natural creation with pollution etc and His human creation though our injustice, greed, and all other sins.  But we are also using our knowledge, our hearts and our physical bodies to add to His creation.  

So where does my work connect to His?  How do I empower the people that I work with to join in the creation process as was intended? 

One point that I am trying to make while being here is that even if these kids with cognitive or physical disabilities will never have the life that their peers have, let's teach them things, let's give them knowledge, a skill, something to feel proud of.  As I’ve said these things and been looked at like I was a wizardly yak, I’ve wondered …Is this just my Western mentality coming through?  Am I wrong, will this not work here?  After all if they're going to live at home for the rest of their life, what's the point in educating them?  Am I nuts for thinking that their education is worth the extra resources?  My conclusion is that I’m not nuts… at least not for that reason : )

This experience has given me confirmation that as humans we seek to have purpose and that our hearts desire this because G0d has made humans desire this.  This purpose has nothing to do with a paying job, although for some of us our vocation is something that G0d puts on our heart.  Just as G0d has given us the desire to love and be loved (because He is love), He has also created us to seek purpose and use our skills in this broken world.  When I was at an orphng, I thought about this.  One of the little girls has a hip displacement so she can't walk and so doesn't go to school (I can't even open that topic or I'll get mean!).  I was hanging out with her and I took out paper and started drawing pictures on the paper just to amuse her.  Her face lit up and she took the pen from me and wrote two numbers and then showed them to me... when I applauded her, she beamed.  Here is a girl that desires to use a brain that G0d has blessed her with but hasn't been given the opportunity.  How sad.  We started teaching her some basic academic skills.  In a measurable way.... it may do nothing for her : (   She may never make it out of that building and may never have a chance to use any of her new skills (G0d, PLEASE make me a liar and get her out)... BUT in teaching her skills, we allow her to seek after a G0d given desire to think, interact with others and use what little resources that she has.  I pr@y that all of us pursue that internal desire to be creators’ whether it’s in engineering, education, healthcare, farming, the arts, parenting, mentoring, service, advocacy, politics, business, etc. etc. etc.  for we are created by the master of all creators. 


G0d's AMAZING Creation!

 G0d’s creative power through humans : )

Bddhism

Today I went out to walk around Old Town, what's left that is, a fire consumed most of it a couple of months ago.  Shangri-La is pretty close to the Tbtn border and is mostly Tbtn people who are Bddhst.  There are Bddhst in other parts of Chn, but here it's really prominent and there are stuppa's and pr@yer flags everywhere.  At the edge of Old Town there is a Bddhst temple and the world's largest pr@yer wheel.  Getting up to the pr@yer wheel is quite the pilgrimage, the elevation is high in Shangri-La so it's difficult to breath.  The pr@yer wheel is up a pretty big hill and you have to climb up steep steps.  As I was walking up the steps, taking a break on every landing so that my heart didn't explode, I noticed two Tbt women in front of me.  They were both elderly with the one being probably 80 years old and using a walking stick.  As I watched them struggle up the steps and as I watched the monks chanting at the foot of the Bddh, I felt a combination of relief and sorrow.  I felt relief that I believe that we are saved by grace... as Chrstns we believe that our salvation is secure because He has bought us by His sacrifice.   Bddhsm is different, (it's actually really complicated and outside of the scope of this blog (and life) to explain the belief system, especially the branch of Tbtn Bddhsm) but there seem to be so many hoops to jump through.  I see people chanting with beads, lighting incense and spinning pr@yer wheels...basically they're begging for something that they don't now possess.  They're longing and struggling to do enough and to be enough for a distant, unreachable deity/dieties/personal nirvana.  It looks stressful, because in reality what is ever enough?

But this also led me to really think about chrstnty (not really pure Chrstnty but more how we actually practice it)... we believe that we are saved by His grace, but do we always live in that freedom?  How often have I said a lifeless, empty pr@yer out of ritual in the same way that the Bddhst recite mantra's while spinning pr@yer wheels?  Is my need to attend chrch on Sunday morning, read my Bbl and volunteer similar to the Bddhst women's need to climb up a mountain of steps while gasping for air?  Are both all of us really  attempting to buy G0d's love via ritual?  I feel like the similarity between Chrstnty and Bddhsm is that both involve sinful, broken humans that long to be saved from this life by something or someone.  The difference is that in Chrstnty, G0d hasn't asked us for the impossible, He hasn't asked for our perfection, He's asked for our faith, our love, our obedience and our devotion.... but when we lack faith that can move mountains, love that is patient, kind etc, obedience despite our sinful nature and our devotion waxes and wanes..., His grace  His mercy and His love engulf us.  

I love this quote by Timothy Keller regarding righteousness talked about in R0mans chapter 3, " Every religion and culture believes that it's the same with G0d (referring to a previous example about righteousness being like a performance record).  It's not a vocational record; it's a moral or spiritual record.  You get out your performance record and if it's good enough, you're worthy of life with G0d and you're accepted.  And then Paul comes along and says: But now... For the first time in history--and the last--an unheard of approach to G0d has been revealed.  A divine righteousness-the righteousness of G0d, a perfect record--is GIVEN to us.  No other place offers this.  Outside of the Gspl, we must develop a righteousness and offer it to G0d and say (hopefully and anxiously), 'ACCEPT ME'.  The gspl says that G0d has developed a perfect righteousness and He offers it to us, and by it we are accepted. This is the uniqueness of the Chrstn gspl; and it reverses what every other religi0n and worldview and even every human heart, believes."  

I don't say any of this to attack other religi0ns... I despise hatefulness for any reason, but especially when it is used to disrespect other people's religio0n...I share this post with you only to express the sweetness of my faith that I was reminded of today.  Sometimes we get lost even in religi0n and need to be reminded of His grace.   

"Amazing grace how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me!"

Into the Wardrobe: Adventures in Narnia

Advances in Transporation make for something magical... they allow us to be in two completely different worlds within a day... This reality hit me as I waited for the plane in New York... I panic when I am at the airport on my way to Chn.  One of the ways that I deal with this panic is to raid the snack shop.  I take large amounts of time looking at the selection and thinking "What will I miss most in the next ___ months?"  Then I buy it for the plane ride.  It's always interesting to see what snacks make the cut...cheese-its are normally in the running as are Reeses Cups and Gummy Bears.   Coffee of some sort ALWAYS wins in the drink selection although I meant to also buy chocolate milk this time.  

This trip back my routine got messed up because I was frantically trying to send out my newsletter.   I realized how much I love food as a wave of sorrow struck me when the plane doors closed... "Open those doors... I need my last bag of Cheese-Its" I wanted to cry out.   Its funny how airlines announce the closing of the airplane doors.  When I'm going anywhere else I hear the words "Ladies and Gentlemen, the pilot has now closed the cabin doors."  When I'm on my way to Chn, I hear "You are now leaving the real world and venturing into Narnia."  The airport is like the wardrobe with the snack shop being like the coats that the kids pcik up before entering into Narnia.  They know that they're entering Narnia where it is winter so they must grab coats... I know that I am entering a land devoid of beef, dairly and coffee and so I shop accordingly.  

Although the plane ride is long, the transition feels abrupt.  One day you are sleeping in a soft bed, taking bubble baths, speaking a language that you understand in a culture that makes sense... then you enter the wardrobe and step into Narnia.  In Narnia you are sleeping in a rock hard bed, trying to figure out how to successfully shower using a showerhead but no shower curtain and not get the toilet paper or your clean clothes soaked, you are eating only G0d knows what, using toliets that can be horrifying and to top it off you don't understand what anyone is saying, let alone thinking.  On the 13 hour plane ride I went over the rules for re-entry... DON'T DRINK THE WATER, remember to carry toilet paper but try to use public toilets as infrequently as possible, don't eat unpeeled fruits or vegetables or you will be using the public toilets frequently, spitting is completely socially acceptable so don't get annoyed but do look around when you hear someone hawking or you may get hit with a piece of phlemn that defies reality, remember to speak in Chns even though you don't speak chns, remember that people don't tell you what they are thinking or expecting of you so be sure to read their minds, don't step off of the bus without looking or you will get hit by a motorcycle, don't believe the "walk" sign-it lies... All of these rules for a place that is only a plane ride away!  Despite the craziness of the transition and the troubles encountered... Like Lucy, Edmond, Peter and Susan... I just can't help venturing back into Narnia : ) 

A Baby, a Good Bye and a Ring

An emotional rollercoaster... That was the 36 hour period between noon on March 30th and midnight on March 31st.  Let me go back for a second... A couple of weeks ago, my mom emailed me and told me that my grandpap (my dad's dad) had gone into hospice care at his home.  He was having heart failure and it was unclear how much longer he was going to hold on.  My older brother came to my sad, homesick heart's rescue (awww) and offered to use his air miles to fly me home to say good-bye to Grandpap.  All signs pointed to "go home for a visit"... I was at a site that I love but they had just informed me that they had a ten day vacation starting the following week.  That meant that either I would sit around and do nothing (which I hate) or I would go back to kmg and see if there are any kids to evaluate... this would have been ok but since I was not scheduled to be there and many of the families come from the villages, they may not have had much for me to do given the late notice.   I also needed to make one more visa run.  My plan was to take the night bus to Vietnam because it's cheap but I had just read some blogs about it and I was nervous.  Apparently, most people get mugged.  Also, I have heard that it is true that people get sliced up for their internal organs.  There is a black market for kidneys and livers so the gangs tend to target young women... I was told that my organs are too old but it still sounds terrifying!  Buses within Chn seem to be safe but the ones going into bordering counties sound scary.  Sooo that left me with a decision... do I risk the night bus and forever regret it if I get a kidney stolen or spend the extra cash on a flight?  Luckily, my brother's offer to fly me home came before my cheapness got the best of my internal organs : ).  John and I talked and decided that I would come home for two weeks and that I would surprise the rest of my family...  Now you are caught up to March 30th.  

On Sunday, I went over and surprised my grandma and grandpap : ).  Gram was happy to see me : )  My grandpap had dementia during the last two years (?) of his life so while he didn't really remember who I was, he was happy to chat me up anyway!  He was up and talking and looked about how he looked when I left for Chn.  This is also when I met my handsome nephew for the first time.  It was neat to be sitting with the youngest and oldest person that I know in the same room!  After seeing gram and grandpap I went to surprise my immediate family...It just so happened that Sunday evening my family was having a birthday party for my dad and younger sister.  Bill had the genius idea that I skype them (I have skyped into other family functions) and while Im talking to them on skype, run into the house.  So that's what I did and it was hysterical : ).

NOW TO THE GOOD STUFF... THE ENGAGEMENT!

Bill took off of work on Monday so we could spend the day together.  We decided to go up to Ligonier to see the location that we are going to get married at.  Bill has seen the venue, but since I have been in China, I haven't.   There, at the site of our wedding in 193 days Bill asked me to marry him.  I'm crying as I type this because it was the sweetest moment of my life : )  The proposal was so Bill and I... He had the ring in his pocket and was trying to find the right moment to pop the question... I was running around planning and he couldn't get me to stand still long enough to get the words out of his mouth.  Finally, as I was running around talking out tealights, Bill told me to stop moving around and stand with him for a minute.  The next part also makes me smile... as we were talking about the wedding ceremony, he asked which hand he would someday put a ring on and I gave him the wrong hand... Anyone that has know me for a long time knows that I have ALWAYS had a hard time with knowing my left from my right : )  After getting the correct hand, he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him and I screamed!  I've had a good life and have so many things to be joyful about, but that was the most joyful moment I've ever had : )  Although I knew that the formal proposal was coming at some point, I was still really surprised!  Looking back I see that on Sunday and Monday, Bill was extra smirky and I kept asking him what he was smirking about, he claimed that he was just happy to see me.  Well I guess the ring in his pocket was the true reason for his extra smirkyness : )   After spending some time together in Ligonier, Bill and I stopped by my older brother and sister-in-laws house to show off the ring (it's amazing ;) ).  

After talking to them for awhile we heard that grandpap wasn't doing well so we drove to grams.  I said good-bye to grandpap that night.  He didn't pass aways until early Tuesday morning but that was the last time I saw him and he wasn't doing well.  People probably wonder if that put a cloud over the day and while I would have liked to never have grandpap pass away, I feel like I saw something sweet that maybe wouldn't have resignated as much with me if it weren't the day of my engagement... I watched my grandma love her husband of 71 years until the very end.   Grandpap went straight from grandma's arm's to J3sus.  I don't even want to think about ever losing Bill, but when that day comes, i want to be the kind of wife that sticks with him until he breaths his last breath.   

Could more life moments happen within a shorter period of time?  That day I witnessed life's bests loves... I saw the parental love that my brother and sister- in-law have for their new son, the seasoned love that my grandparents have after years of marriage and the joyful young love that Bill and I have for each other.  Within minutes of one another I was holding my one month old nephew followed by holding the hand of my 96 year old dying grandpap followed by holding the hand of my future husband.  It was a day where joy and grief mixed but somehow the grief didn't steal the joy.  And more miraculously still, I was able to see that even in death there is joy because it gives us the chance to celebrate my grandpap's long life and look forward to seeing him Heaven side.

I love you grandpap... You will be missed : (. 

I love you Bill and pray that we get AT LEAST 71 years of marital bliss  ; )